It feels just like I'm falling for the first time

What a week it's been. Every day seemed so long. It's amazing how there's so much to be done this semester, for only three subjects. Last sem's 16 units was heaven compared to my nine now.

It feels good though, looking back on everything now. 135 exam on Wednesday, 135 paper, Chem 31.1 postlab and prelab on Thursday, and St, Luke's essays today. I didn't get more than four hours of sleep on any night. It was a week of coffee, Extra Joss that is becoming less and less effective, naps at Lola's when I could, and entire days feeling like I would drift off at any moment.

These past two days were also particularly memorable, for they included glimpses of my possible futures. Yesterday after Chem, Lee-Ann and I went to UERM to submit our applications, where I found out I was applicant no. 696. So many people applying to med school this year, a lot of them from UP too. I saw an entire table stacked with applications, each with the familiar pink transcript.

In the middle of 135 this morning, I received a text that rendered me unable to listen to Ma'am Mendoza's lecture for the rest of the period. Hehe. Thank you, Jo. :)

Then this afternoon, I was off to St. Luke's. The building's already quite familiar. Hehe. They gave me a choice of a Monday or a Friday for my interview. I chose the Monday, because Friday will most likely be the date of another one of the eight experiments we're required to conduct for 135. I can't imagine missing an experiment. Last na eh. I really want to make the most of my remaining time in psych.

There. My applications have been sent. Two of three interviews have been scheduled. The reality of it all grips me.

SLCM: 09 February, Monday, 10 AM.
UPCM: 20 February, Friday, 10 AM. Why oh why was I placed on the last day?? Interviews are until the 27th pala. So I'm not the last. Yay.

O, that You would bless me indeed.

I'm off. Waking up at 4:00 for my last ever free clinic as a member of the UP Pre-Medical Honor Society!

'Cause it's hard to live, it's hard to live in the city

Second post, yay! Again, I'm in ultimate stalling mode, not wanting to start studying for my 135 exam, which is TOMORROW. I'd just like to document my day, which was a good day. Somehow, Jess answered my prayer last night. I specifically asked for a good day. I really didn't want my official start of the week (since I don't have class on Mondays) to be all emo. And from what I'm seeing from my friend's blogs, the emo is going around like a virus.

I had a good breakfast of banana pancakes made by Yaya Sonia. I ate it at Lola's, since I didn't have time for breakfast at home, and I was dead asleep on the way to school. Tito Ronnie happened to comment that I'm getting taller! Could this be true? I'm 21 so I think I'm running out of time for any more vertical growth. Not that I'm not happy with five feet, four-and-a-half inches. But I'd gladly welcome another inch or so.

Chem, oh chem. We're into the alkyl halides now, and I'm still somehow following Sir Sumera's lecture. That won't last long though, I'm sure. He announced that we'll have a quiz on Thursday, which I definitely won't be able to study for because of the 135 paper and the postlab and prelabs due all on the same day. But whatevs.

I passed the lab exam. It was much better than lec, thank God. I'm so not worried about getting low grades anymore. Basta lang talaga pumasa, at maka-graduate. I promptly forgot about the exam when we started the experiment. All those tests for ketones and aldehydes kept us busy almost the entire period. The Schiff's test was especially pretty, too.

The afternoon was spent in Starbucks Katipunan with Lee-Ann, signing the sigsheets we collected from the apps. I'm taking pictures of all of my pages, since it's my last second sigsheet ever. :( It was also nice seeing Kuya Mark today. He's one of the guards there, the most madaldal of them all. He always finds something to ask us about, even if it's something he's asked before, and he and I both know it. Haha. Still, it's thoughtful of him, and thoughtfulness is always something I appreciate.

Kuya Mark: May results na 'yung mga exam niyo sa med?
Me: 'Yung applications namin?
Kuya Mark: Oo.
Me: Wala pa eh.
Kuya Mark: Ah.. Balitaan 'niyo ko ha?
Me: Oo naman. Basta pagdasal mo kami ha?
Kuya Mark: Siyempre naman.

I got home at around 5, and proceeded to take my daily afternoon nap. The tall-no-whip-praline-mocha-frappuccino-light I had did nothing to stop me from sleeping for over two hours. Which is why I no longer have an excuse to not study all night long.

Last, but not least for today. Ruari's exams are over! One more block to go for him. He's on his way to Laguna now with his class, a much-needed break for all of them, I'm sure. He'll be back tomorrow, but I'll see him on Friday, which right now, with everything still left to do, seems light-years away.

There. That was my good day. Praying for the same tomorrow. Ma'am Mendoza, pleasepleaseplease.

OKAY. THAT'S IT. STUDY.

One last, for more neuroticism. Tita Josie Lapena informed me that the PGH deliberations will start tomorrow. God help us all.

Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984

Why is it that I always seem to create blogs whenever I'm supposed to be studying for an exam. My last one (dismissthis) was made the days before a Math 100 (Calculus) exam. And now, it's almost 1 in the morning and I've only barely scratched the surface of the coverage for the Psych 135 (Sensation and Perception) exam on Wednesday. Instead I'm writing here.

Why a new blog?

I've been stalking my friends' blogs for quite a while now, be it on Multiply, LiveJournal, Blogspot, what-have-you. And I always feel a touch of jealousy at how freely they can express themselves, without fear of judgment. I want to be able to do that. My old blogs are all mostly empty, because I never think that I can write as well or as profoundly as my friends, that the things I say will sound stupid, silly, shallow, or all of the above. This doesn't help me at all when I get the occasional urge to write down a few thoughts, to unload some of the burden from the inside of my head onto the universe. My Starbucks planner isn't enough of an outlet. That's really just a record of the things I do and need to do per day. I hardly even go back to previous days to read what I wrote. The entries in there are rather boring, to be honest.

It's also significant to mention what Ruari said when I told him about this new creation of mine. He said that my fear of judgment is something that I have to get over. And in order to do that, I should start by not being the one to read and judge. That's actually something I've been working on for a while now. I guess you can say that that's one of my new blog's resolutions.

What happened to dismissthis?

That blog was a failed attempt to do all of what I just said above. If you check it out, you'll find mostly memes, personality test results, and typing test results. In fact, I think that's where I'll post all of those from now on. This blog will be purely my writings. But I'll probably also throw in a few photos, quotable quotes, articles, and songs here and there.

Also, the name of the blog does not really apply to me anymore, or at least I'd like to think it doesn't. See, it was taken from the different attachment styles that we took up in Psych 150 (Theories of Personality). I found that I have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style (read about the different styles here), which I so wanted to change. Well that was almost two years and one relationship ago. I'd like to believe I'm more securely attached now. Hee.

Oh, and I do also have a blog on Multiply. But Multiply is way, way more public than I can handle right now. Every time I post an entry there, I am simply too conscious of the fact that it will be available to my 300 something contacts. Which therefore leads me to censor my words, defeating the purpose of writing anything in the first place.

Why talknerdytomee?

It stems from a rather private joke between me and Ruari. Although it is quite applicable to my personality as well. As I wrote just today in my essay for my St. Luke's application, I've always loved learning, having developed an affinity for books at age four. At age six I read my mom's pregnancy books, taking in with gusto all the gory images of labor and all. As a huge fan of the Sweet Valley series in grade school, I always identified more with Elizabeth than Jessica. And I've never been a party girl; I prefer quiet, meaningful conversations to parties with dancing and loud music. So I do think I'm quite the nerd, and nerdiness is definitely the way to my heart.

(Oh, and also, talknerdytome wasn't an available address, so I added another e. With how OC I can be about grammar and all, it just shows how much I really wanted that address. Haha.)

Why now?

Because I don't want to study for 135. Haha, but more than that really. I feel like I'm in a very exciting time in my life. In just a few months I will graduate from college with a degree in Psychology. Afterwards I will enter medical school, the thought of which occupies me day and night. So I think now is a good time to start documenting my life in a more substantial way. And when I finally do get to med school, I'll need a place to vent when everything starts becoming toxic.

I think that's enough of an introduction. And it's also time for me to sleep, given that tomorrow should will be spent in major study mode.

Before I forget, Kung Hei Fat Choi to everyone. Bring on the tikoy!