Let's go to Bali

I'm taking a break from my neuro lab review to finally write my first blog entry of the year. Not that I was getting much done, as is usually the case when I attempt to study in the condo amidst the countless distractions calling out to me. Just like this blog entry, which has been waiting to be written for weeks now. I had planned on coming up with a long, winding recap of 2009, but Christmas break got to me. And now we're two weeks into 2010.

The moral of 2009 is be careful what you wish for. The earlier part of the year was soooo laid back for me, sometimes unbearably so. The second semester of fourth year college was the lightest I'd ever had. And though I enjoyed summer immensely, there was only so much free time I could take. So I dreamed of being busy. I couldn't wait for med school to start, to immerse myself in everything it had to offer.

That's when everything started happening. Both good and bad. Moving into Manila was quite an adjustment, more so than I'd imagined it would be. And barely a week into the school year, there came that scare with Mama. I met 159 new people, and getting to know them a little bit better everyday is still quite the adventure. I turned 22. Within that same month, Ondoy happened. And we all know how that rocked our world. I joined a sorority (!), which changed my life in so many ways, the best of which is having 11 strong and beautiful girls as my sisters.

I made decisions I'm not proud of. I let down a few people, some of whom deserved it the least. I let my insecurities get the better of me, more than once. I'm trying to make amends for all of these now. This year, 2010, is the year for that. For striking a balance. Just like Elizabeth Gilbert, 2010 will be my Bali. If I were the type to make new year's resolutions, this would be it.

This blog will be a year old at the end of this month. Time does fly. It's quite a feat for me to have kept this thing up for a year, so congratulations and happy anniversary to meeeeee. :D

Christmas wish.

I'm praying for a miracle. If I can have nothing else this Christmas, let this be it. Please? I'll give anything.

Five years.

It's refreshing how benign we are this week. We've had our last exam for the year, as well as our last dissection ever, most likely. My Y!M status (yes, I'm online!) even reads "benign." So I was able to go to mass at lunchtime today, for the first time this semester.

As I was praying after receving holy communion, I remembered Ninang Annette's post on Facebook a couple of days ago. It was about Lolo Willie, and that it's been five years since his death. And then I started crying. I couldn't believe how long it's been. In that span of time, a medical student would have already graduated and become a licensed physician. An infant would have reached kindergarten.

In those silent moments of prayer, thoughts of Lolo Willie came rushing. Like how, when we were kids, we cousins would race to his bedroom to ask for goodies. And we'd never leave empty-handed. Lolo would rummage through his cabinet for whatever he could find--choco mallows, choco crunchies, and I can't forget the favorite, rosquillos.

Lolo Willie was so quirky. Whenever Lola Adeling would ask him "Ano gusto mo kainin?" his standard answer was always "pwet ng manok." Always. Pwet ng manok this, pwet ng manok that. I think he just liked the sound of the words, and perhaps because it made us all laugh. He also liked to slap my cheek from time to time. And it wasn't a gentle smack or anything. Sampal talaga. Lola would scold him, but I never minded. I knew it was his way of being affectionate, even if it did hurt a bit. And whenever he would ask Tita Tonette to make his afternoon cup of coffee, he would ask "Asan na ang cafe ko?" Cafe, not coffee or kape. No one can say it quite the same way.

Written on Lolo Willie's grave are the words He taught us how to love. How true those words are. For Lolo was the kindest, sweetest, most unassuming man. He was incredibly appreciative of the littlest things. As he got older, it would take less and less for him to shed tears. He would cry when one of us, his apos, received an award in school. He'd cry when Papa would give him a shirt or a pair of shoes that no longer fit. Things like that. How can you not but love and appreciate such a person.

I remember the night before he died. Hooked up to the IV and groggy, he still knew who we were. I remember holding his hand and asking "Lolo, sino ako?" And he looked into my eyes, a smile spreading across his lined face, and said softly, "Pretty girl." Only he ever called me that. And no one can say it quite the same way.

I miss Lolo Willie so much. As I prayed in the chapel today, only one thing made me smile again--the knowledge that he is in a happier place. But always, always looking after us all.

Happy Easter anniversary, Lolo Willie. Happy birthday and Merry Christmas as well. We love you. :)

3 AM

We had our last exam for the year today. Feels soooo good. And I'm up this late for no reason other than sheer love of the internet. Haha.

Second sem has been such a ride, and we're only a few weeks in. I now know what it means to hit the ground running. And then now, suddenly, we're nearing Christmas. I can feel and smell it in the air, my favorite time of year. I can taste it in the food too. I lovelovelove Christmas goodies. :)

Okay, that's all. Sleepy. I still owe that long, narrative blog entry. Christmas break, yay. :)

Good morning!

I'm awakening this blog from a month-long hiatus. My, how angry I was in my last few entries. I don't even remember what some of them were about, vague as they are. Which is a good thing, since they're probably not about anything good or happy.

This sem is different from the last, definitely. Right now, there's so much to say, so much to do, so much to think, and barely any time at all to do so. But again, I take things one day at a time. There's no other way. I also choose to hold on tighter to some things, and keep a safe distance from others.

And I promise to write more now. Some things are too important to not write about. Like the fact that our house is back, and better than ever. But that deserves an entry all on its own. Maybe over this long weekend.

Good morning, again! To me, to this blog, to the world.

P.S. Hello, Mervyn! Haha may special mention ka, since may special mention ako sa trans niyo. Thank you for reminding me that I have a blog. Because of you, I was itching to blog even as I was supposed to be studying for OS 206. Salamat sa pagsubaybay. :)

Just you wait.

My day will come too. And I swear I'll never be as insensitive and insecure as you.

A few pent-up sentiments.

For different people or just one. You be the judge.

1. It doesn't make me any less than you. Let's just see how it all turns out, shall we?
   
2. Sometimes I really wish I could get angry. As in fuming-blow-my-top-let-the-PMS-take-over mad. I bet it would feel really, really, really good.
3. You really can't expect from anyone, can you? I should've known. Just as it was starting to seem like you care, you let me know how it really went down. Disappointing is too mild a word.

Wow. I feel better already. Thanks!